still here!!!

Hey people, I just wanted to let everyone know I am still around, John has not been able to find a job yet, We don't have money for me to go see my mom! (oh how I miss her) HAD TO PAY 20 FREAKING DOLLARS FOR CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER AT MY GRANDMA'S (THAT'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER VENT) barely surviving, but I am still here, I guess it could be worse.. oh and soon I am going to start a new blog just for my venting and keep this one for my family.. so you don't have to hear me complain! OH.. on the good side of things.. I SCRAPPED!!! HOLY CRAP CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?!?!?! OH and I did 3 PAGES!!! yep... 3!!!! that is the first time i have scrapped since... mid SEPTEMBER!!! HOLY SMOKES!! kisses to all!!!

Some good news!!!

Ok.. so I will give you some good news for once.. LOL
John got the OK to go back to work!!!! YAY!!! i am so excited, now comes the fun part of trying to find a job.... that is going to suck! He has made some calls, and put word out that he is looking, but most people are not hiring until after the first of the Year.. UGH!!
My mom has been clean for a year!! YAY!! now some of you prob. don't care and I am ok with that, but any of you that know addiction and how hard it is to overcome, this is a HUGE milestone!!
My birthday is this week. December 11th to be exact!
We put up the Christmas tree!! (not decorated yet, but at least have it up.. that is a whole 'nother vent)
I have scrapped, nothing too fun, working on Christmas gifts for the family, but it's a step forward!
My sister Jessica had a baby, Jonas Robert! born the week of thanksgiving and was 7lbs 8ozs. doing good, and in my opinion pretty cute!!

Ok that is enough happiness for now.. i am sure i will be back with some more depression venting soon! I wish i could get it under control! It sucks to be so sad all the time, i know some of you know what I am talking about! Some days I can tell it's going to be a bad day, before i even get out of bed, and on those days, I resent having a job, cause I just want to sleep alll day! and I don't care that i didn't capatalize all my I's.. you will live.. LOL

OK some more depression venting

If you don't want to hear it... scroll down.

Ok.. First of all.. MONEY!! Money is a big problem in our house right now. I can not take my daughter to the dr. because we don't have money for the meds they would give us, and I am pretty sure they would give us meds, her tonsils are DANG NEAR touching and RED!! Poor baby, I hope to come across some money SOON!!!! Not to mention, I don't know if i will have enough gas to get to work tomorrow. and that causes a BIG problem!! I am the only one making money right now, and if i don't have gas, how am i supposed to get to work to make that money?? I have to have 250 by friday to finish paying rent! My 2-week Paycheck was 250 short of rent for the month.. so OUCH!! I don't know what we are going to do, I hope our landlord can work with us, so I can pay him when I get paid again (at the end of the month) MILK... there was NO MILK in my fridge when i left for work this morning! My neighbor has foodstamps though, so my husband will be going to get milk soon! and I also called WIC and got an appointment, so they can help us, just while john is out of work. We went from john BRINGING HOME OVER 1,000 a WEEK to me bringing home between 700-750 every 2 WEEKS!! HOW SAD!! Hopefully he will get to go back to work soon!
I still have no MO-JO to scrap!! maybe someday i will.. If not... keep watching this blog, cause it will turn into a SELL EVERYTHING SCRAPBOOK RELATED site ;) j/k I wouldn't sell it, but have been tempted at times.
The funeral on Saturday was one of the HARDEST THINGS i have EVER had to do!! To watch Jake's wife sit there rocking her brand-new baby with a blank to the world look on her face, was soooo sad, and to see his MOM Break down...He was only 24! TOOOOOO young to die!! my heart goes out to the Blackham family!
To make it worse, my cousin (who was also really really good friends with Jake) DID NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL!! I wanted to SMACK HIM!! I mean really my heart hurts for him! He is going to regret it in a few years, and he can not blame it on money, cause i paid for the gas! As a matter of fact, there were only a couple people from Kanab there, Me, Kristy, Liz, Blake and Amber Soderquist! I wish more people would pull there head out of their butt and realize what is really important in life!
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I kept hitting snooze until it was time to leave.. OOPS.. cause i still had to shower!
My friend/neighbor hasn't been home lately and it sucks cause she can always make me smile. WHERE YOU AT CULLEEN?????????
SHANTI- Hey girl.. I know you are going to read this.. so i have a question for you.. how do you and your hubby and kids do it financially? I want tips, so call me or text me and let me know.. I cut back on A LOT of things, and i try to shop good, using coupons and stuff.. but seriously... we STRUGGLE!!! Even when John was working we were struggling, and our rent is only 950. so how do you do it????
K that is it for now, I am sure i will be back in a while to write more complaining!!

ok i am going to be DEBBIE DOWNER for a minute

Ok so if you don't want to hear me whine/cry scroll down..
So most of you know I have battled with depression since i was 15. well today was a VERY bad day!!!
it actually started last night when i get a text from my cousin telling me that my sister was going to the hospital thought she was in labor.. well that ended up being a false alarm... so why is it on my sh!t list you might ask.. well simple, i have not talked to my sister in MONTHS... no not weeks, MONTHS!!! it makes me sad, she is MY SISTER for heaven's sake!!
I had to work from 9-6 today (long day for me)
I got a call from one of my best friends, Kristy today and she told me that one of our Really good friends from high school died!! OMG!! i don't even know what to say!! It took EVERYTHING i had to not cry at work.. and right now i am crying!! It totally sucks, and he had a son 5 days yes, just 5 days before he died... Here is the link to his obituary!! I am at a loss of what to say! I truely want to go to his funeral, but first of all i have to talk to my husband (scared to even talk to him about it) and secondly I have to come up with gas, only to get me to st. george, and then i would ride with Kristy the rest of the way up there.. but with John still being out of work, it's hard to pay for ANYTHING these days, everything seems like such a burden. But I know if i don't go, come 5 or 10 years down the road, i will regret it!!
I Miss my mommy!!! I mean seriously though, i miss my mom, and my sister, and EVERYONE up in UTAH!! I feel so ALONE here!! I feel like I have nobody but my husband and my kids (don't get me wrong, I love them with all of my heart, and would do anything for them, but... they're not my mommy)
My sister in utah told me some really unexpected, but exciting news today, and I am so happy for her, but at the same time, I know i am going to miss yet another of my sister's pregnancies, and that in turn makes me sad(der)
Scrapping, as you know is a PASSION of mine, i may not be the best at it, but DANG IT!! I love it!! and i have not picked up anything to scrap unless it was for a swap since i started work (the end of september)I MISS IT!!! as sad as it sounds, i don't even want to scrap!! I have NO DESIRE! NO MO-JO, NO NOTHING!! so if you find some desire or some mo-jo send it my way please!!

Okay, enough complaining!!! I am going to go.. please send some cyber hugs my way...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

So last night was Halloween! We had a Ton of fun!! We (Me, Dad, Grandma Barbara, Uncle Billy and the kids) went to a couple local 'safe' trick-or-treat things.. the kids (Aka MOM AND DAD) got a lot of candy!! Here are some cute pics of Cinderella and the Spider!! I love My kids... :)

sorry

Life has been so busy!! Well... Since John has been 'home' because of the surgery.. I realize.. He would make a GREAT stay at home Dad.. and I sucked at being a stay at home Mom.. No really though.. My house is ALWYYS clean, the carpets get shampooed about once a week! and Dinner is cooked 90 percent of the time when I come home! He is AWESOME!! I know it's too good to be true and he will HOPEFULLY be going back to work about mid December, but Dang!! I love it!!

My Dad

As some of you know... My Dad had to go in and have some fluid drained from his abdomen, well the first day, he didn't do it, cause his white blood cell count was tooo low, so he went in the following day, and they were ok, so he had the procedure done, they managed to drain 4 liters off of his abdomen. I called him today, and he was getting ready for work, I HATE that he has to work while going through this, but he has no choice really.. if he doesn't work, he doesn't have health insurance, and when you are fighting cancer, health insurance is pretty darn important!! SO say a prayer for my Dad!!

Healing well

Well I am Happy to say that John is healing well! He has 13 staples, they look gross, but he is healing good. Not being able to work is KILLING him!! He is going stir crazy!! Everyday when i get home from work he is cleaing something new. and not just picking up, CLEANING.. DEEP CLEAING!! He needs to go back to work so he doesn't go crazy!! I know he has to have a little bit of craziness in him, cause after all, he did marry me!! But his OCD cleaning has GOT TO STOP!!!! I love my husband!!!

surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, He HAS to have surgery!! UGH!!! Goes in tomorrow at noon, surgery starts at 2! and my Trooper husband, wants to go to Utah after surgery!! He KNOWS how much I miss/need my family.... I love him :) The Dr. said he will be able to feel the plate under his skin, and will prob. lose feeling in that area FOREVER, but.. it will increase the heal time by About 4 weeks or so, so he will be able to get back to work sooner!! He is starting to go stir CRAZY already!! As we speak, he is organizing MY scrapbook room, while I sit here on the computer :) Ok.. so wish me luck for tomorrow!! and please say a prayer for him... :)

Thanks

Family VS Friends

Ok... So i am going to vent a little, so just hear me out.. (or keep reading.. LOL) Ok.. so what is family to you?? To me, family is not just blood related, I have a lot of friends, that I consider family! To me family is people who are there for you, someone you can talk to, confide in, cry to and no matter what you do, or say they are there for you! My neighbor and her 4 kids (and hubby) are very close to me, they do NOT knock on my door, and I the same at their house! Unfortunately, there are some 'family' who I don't even consider friends! As you know, my Husband was in a motorcycle accident (see below) and some true, BLOOD-RELATED family, who I KNOW know about the accident have NOT even called, text or in my opinion, even care!!!! So how do I handle these kind of situations?? I am at a loss, I TRY to not care, to blow them off, to in a sense 'wash my hands' of these un-caring, self centered, cold hearted people, but deep down it hurts!! I know it shouldn't... they obviously don't care, so why should I? So if you have read it this far, my question is.... WHAT do I do???? I love comments, so leave one for me.... thanks :)

My Dad

Well as most of you know, my Dad has been battling cancer, AGAIN!! he had it once before and it was in remission, but came back FULL FORCE!! he has been doing Chemo for about a year now, and most of the cancer is gone, or at least almost gone, he still has a couple leasions on his lungs, and a couple on his liver, but they are considerably small. they are both inoperable, sooooo... he has to continue this chemo crap and it really sucks!!! Sure, my Dad will but on the superman front, and say he is fine, he has even worked this whole time, but any of you that have been around anyone that is doing Chemo, it SUCKS!!! it sucks all the energy out of him, and makes him feel generally like CRAP!!! Well, he called me yesterday to ask me how 'big John' was doing and I told him updates, and then i ask him if he is at work, and he tells me he is in the hospital! For dehydration AGAIN!!! So i of course put on the 'big girl' attitude and ask questions, get all the answers, and when i hang up the phone I start crying like a baby, I know my dad is Superman, and I know he will be OK... He WILL get through this, but man, it sucks!! I hate seeing Superman like this it makes me sad.. so again... Please pray for my dad!! I need my superman to get better! i am tired of seeing him so sick

No surgery.... for now

well john went to the Orthopedic surgeon yesterday.. they put him in a figure 8 brace to pull his shoulders back, so it can heal.. he is feeling better :) As of right now he doesn't have to have surgery on it, but he has to go back next week to double check that prognosis... so not completely out of the woods yet, but pretty dang close :) he is going to be out of work for 6-12 weeks, so anyone that lives in or around las vegas, keep your ears open for some money.....

The PHONE CALL

OMGosh!! I got THE phone call. I was sleeping on saturday morning and at about 5:30 my phone rang, so i jumped up to answer it, and there was a lady on the other line, mam this is ________ from green valley grocery on Alexander and Lamb, i am calling to let you know your husband has just been in a motorcycle accident! So of course I ask the normal questions... is he going to be ok, what happened, and she didn't have many answers for me! Only that they were loading him into the ambulance So by that time I was already looking for my keys and stuff! Well i couldn't find them for a minute, So I woke up my neighbor boy (Doug) and told him John was just in an accident, i have to go to vegas, are you coming with or watching the kids, he chose to watch the kids (thank goodness) so out the door I go. On my way to Vegas, I called the number back, talked to an Officer, they told me the injuries were not life threatening, and that he was going to be fine and he told me where they were going.. UMC TRAUMA... I also called my mom, john's work friend, Barbara (I sent her on her way to the hospital until i could get there) Ryan, and Kayla... anyways.. i get almost to the hospital, and John tells me, I don't want you to see me like this I am in a C-Brace (neck brace) I told him that was tough stuff cause I was going to see him how ever he was, he IS MY HUSBAND!! so he said 'alright' So i get to the hospital and find out the story:
He was already at work, took a benedryl, made him tired, left work to go to his mom's house to sleep cause of the benedryl, and on his way there about 3 blocks from his mom's house the benedryl got the best of him, he fell asleep and hit the Median, according to the police report he was only going about 25. It popped him up, and back down HARD!!! He cracked his helment and it was a top-of-the line helment! He fractured his clavical (collar bone) and it shifted according to the dr. 1/4 inch. He also got some pretty ugly road rash!!!
He has to go to the Orthopedic surgeon on monday to see about surgery, also has to go to the burn unit on either monday or tuesday to have his road rash cleaned again! He is in A LOT of pain, and to top it off, dont' think he will be working for 6-12 weeks! Thank Goodness I got my job, granted i only make about half of what john does, but it's money none the less... so.. just when we think we are getting ahead We get a big 'o' whack on the head!! here are some pictures :(

Please say a prayer for me and my family!! thanks :)

TELL ME IT WILL GET EASIER

PLEASE... Leaving for work that is... whenever i leave for work, it breaks my heart. I just don't know how to make it easier! Right now my neighbor boy is watching them and so hopefully when My mother in Law Barbara gets here (on or about the first) it will be easier! Right now Rikki-Lynn cries so much she makes her self puke! and she says 'no mommy work' and mommy watch VV (TV). Most days I leave home crying myself. ODn't get me wrong, I love my job, but I hate leaving!! ok Kids are tugging at me Got to go..

One of my favorite online Scrap stores

This Lady is from Canada, and I LOVE her stuff!! she has a blog, and a forum too!! LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! and Shipping isn't expensive.. so check her out!!

Back to work

Ok, so i am going to go back to work, not sure if I am ready, but... none the less, it's happening!! I knew it was going to, but didn't know it would be this quick!! I am going to be working for the same dentist I was before I went on maternity leave! So if you need a dentist in Las Vegas, Hit me up!!

Free stuff

Go check out this blog.. she is giving away free stuff!!!!!! Gotta love free stuff and her BLOG IS AWESOME!!!!

CLICK HERE

go check out this site....

http://socalscrap.blogspot.com/

they are giving away a freebie... tell them i sent you and i get an extra entry into the give away!!!

ok i know i know.. i am a slacker..

Here are a couple pages i have done lately :) hope you like them.

Rocking the HAWK!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I KNOW some of you (Jonna) won't like this haircut, but WE did it anyways.. and yes, my BOY looks sooooo Dang cute, if i say so myself.

Ok are you ready for a MAJOR PIC overload????

Ok, so I went on a scrapbooking retreat this weekend with some friends from the internet.. It was sooooo much fun. I left on friday and got back on sunday. The drive wasn't too bad, about 4 hours. It was so nice to get away.. I think every MOMMY NEEDS a break every once in a while. Ok so i met some girls that i talk to quite often on the internet.. they are no longer my 'invisible' friends.. I met Kat, Jen, Andrea (pronounced ONDREA), Kelci, Bonnie , and there were some other girls I met for the first time up there. My friend Rebecca came, and she was interesting. She slept most of the time. but either way she was there. ok.. so here are some pictures, most of these are pages i have done. there are some group shots, and some scenery shots. Oh and of course I missed my kids (and husband) but it was super nice to have some ME time, and super nice to come home. When i got home my house was SPOTLESS. It was great..

OK last post for today.. I think... ALTERED stuff

I painted my scrappin' tools.. My ATG gun, A caddy, and My Crop-o-dile.. I am going to add rubons to them when I go to a scrapbook retreat ON FRIDAY!!! WOW I am excited.. it's coming up quick!!!

Sweet bracelet

The kids and I stopped at the farmer's market today, just to see what they had there, i have NEVER been there before.. this is what we ended up getting for only a BUCK!!!