Tuesday, November 18, 2008

OK some more depression venting

If you don't want to hear it... scroll down.

Ok.. First of all.. MONEY!! Money is a big problem in our house right now. I can not take my daughter to the dr. because we don't have money for the meds they would give us, and I am pretty sure they would give us meds, her tonsils are DANG NEAR touching and RED!! Poor baby, I hope to come across some money SOON!!!! Not to mention, I don't know if i will have enough gas to get to work tomorrow. and that causes a BIG problem!! I am the only one making money right now, and if i don't have gas, how am i supposed to get to work to make that money?? I have to have 250 by friday to finish paying rent! My 2-week Paycheck was 250 short of rent for the month.. so OUCH!! I don't know what we are going to do, I hope our landlord can work with us, so I can pay him when I get paid again (at the end of the month) MILK... there was NO MILK in my fridge when i left for work this morning! My neighbor has foodstamps though, so my husband will be going to get milk soon! and I also called WIC and got an appointment, so they can help us, just while john is out of work. We went from john BRINGING HOME OVER 1,000 a WEEK to me bringing home between 700-750 every 2 WEEKS!! HOW SAD!! Hopefully he will get to go back to work soon!
I still have no MO-JO to scrap!! maybe someday i will.. If not... keep watching this blog, cause it will turn into a SELL EVERYTHING SCRAPBOOK RELATED site ;) j/k I wouldn't sell it, but have been tempted at times.
The funeral on Saturday was one of the HARDEST THINGS i have EVER had to do!! To watch Jake's wife sit there rocking her brand-new baby with a blank to the world look on her face, was soooo sad, and to see his MOM Break down...He was only 24! TOOOOOO young to die!! my heart goes out to the Blackham family!
To make it worse, my cousin (who was also really really good friends with Jake) DID NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL!! I wanted to SMACK HIM!! I mean really my heart hurts for him! He is going to regret it in a few years, and he can not blame it on money, cause i paid for the gas! As a matter of fact, there were only a couple people from Kanab there, Me, Kristy, Liz, Blake and Amber Soderquist! I wish more people would pull there head out of their butt and realize what is really important in life!
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I kept hitting snooze until it was time to leave.. OOPS.. cause i still had to shower!
My friend/neighbor hasn't been home lately and it sucks cause she can always make me smile. WHERE YOU AT CULLEEN?????????
SHANTI- Hey girl.. I know you are going to read this.. so i have a question for you.. how do you and your hubby and kids do it financially? I want tips, so call me or text me and let me know.. I cut back on A LOT of things, and i try to shop good, using coupons and stuff.. but seriously... we STRUGGLE!!! Even when John was working we were struggling, and our rent is only 950. so how do you do it????
K that is it for now, I am sure i will be back in a while to write more complaining!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

ok i am going to be DEBBIE DOWNER for a minute

Ok so if you don't want to hear me whine/cry scroll down..
So most of you know I have battled with depression since i was 15. well today was a VERY bad day!!!
it actually started last night when i get a text from my cousin telling me that my sister was going to the hospital thought she was in labor.. well that ended up being a false alarm... so why is it on my sh!t list you might ask.. well simple, i have not talked to my sister in MONTHS... no not weeks, MONTHS!!! it makes me sad, she is MY SISTER for heaven's sake!!
I had to work from 9-6 today (long day for me)
I got a call from one of my best friends, Kristy today and she told me that one of our Really good friends from high school died!! OMG!! i don't even know what to say!! It took EVERYTHING i had to not cry at work.. and right now i am crying!! It totally sucks, and he had a son 5 days yes, just 5 days before he died... Here is the link to his obituary!! I am at a loss of what to say! I truely want to go to his funeral, but first of all i have to talk to my husband (scared to even talk to him about it) and secondly I have to come up with gas, only to get me to st. george, and then i would ride with Kristy the rest of the way up there.. but with John still being out of work, it's hard to pay for ANYTHING these days, everything seems like such a burden. But I know if i don't go, come 5 or 10 years down the road, i will regret it!!
I Miss my mommy!!! I mean seriously though, i miss my mom, and my sister, and EVERYONE up in UTAH!! I feel so ALONE here!! I feel like I have nobody but my husband and my kids (don't get me wrong, I love them with all of my heart, and would do anything for them, but... they're not my mommy)
My sister in utah told me some really unexpected, but exciting news today, and I am so happy for her, but at the same time, I know i am going to miss yet another of my sister's pregnancies, and that in turn makes me sad(der)
Scrapping, as you know is a PASSION of mine, i may not be the best at it, but DANG IT!! I love it!! and i have not picked up anything to scrap unless it was for a swap since i started work (the end of september)I MISS IT!!! as sad as it sounds, i don't even want to scrap!! I have NO DESIRE! NO MO-JO, NO NOTHING!! so if you find some desire or some mo-jo send it my way please!!

Okay, enough complaining!!! I am going to go.. please send some cyber hugs my way...

Sunday, November 2, 2008


So last night was Halloween! We had a Ton of fun!! We (Me, Dad, Grandma Barbara, Uncle Billy and the kids) went to a couple local 'safe' trick-or-treat things.. the kids (Aka MOM AND DAD) got a lot of candy!! Here are some cute pics of Cinderella and the Spider!! I love My kids... :)