ok i am going to be DEBBIE DOWNER for a minute

Ok so if you don't want to hear me whine/cry scroll down..
So most of you know I have battled with depression since i was 15. well today was a VERY bad day!!!
it actually started last night when i get a text from my cousin telling me that my sister was going to the hospital thought she was in labor.. well that ended up being a false alarm... so why is it on my sh!t list you might ask.. well simple, i have not talked to my sister in MONTHS... no not weeks, MONTHS!!! it makes me sad, she is MY SISTER for heaven's sake!!
I had to work from 9-6 today (long day for me)
I got a call from one of my best friends, Kristy today and she told me that one of our Really good friends from high school died!! OMG!! i don't even know what to say!! It took EVERYTHING i had to not cry at work.. and right now i am crying!! It totally sucks, and he had a son 5 days yes, just 5 days before he died... Here is the link to his obituary!! I am at a loss of what to say! I truely want to go to his funeral, but first of all i have to talk to my husband (scared to even talk to him about it) and secondly I have to come up with gas, only to get me to st. george, and then i would ride with Kristy the rest of the way up there.. but with John still being out of work, it's hard to pay for ANYTHING these days, everything seems like such a burden. But I know if i don't go, come 5 or 10 years down the road, i will regret it!!
I Miss my mommy!!! I mean seriously though, i miss my mom, and my sister, and EVERYONE up in UTAH!! I feel so ALONE here!! I feel like I have nobody but my husband and my kids (don't get me wrong, I love them with all of my heart, and would do anything for them, but... they're not my mommy)
My sister in utah told me some really unexpected, but exciting news today, and I am so happy for her, but at the same time, I know i am going to miss yet another of my sister's pregnancies, and that in turn makes me sad(der)
Scrapping, as you know is a PASSION of mine, i may not be the best at it, but DANG IT!! I love it!! and i have not picked up anything to scrap unless it was for a swap since i started work (the end of september)I MISS IT!!! as sad as it sounds, i don't even want to scrap!! I have NO DESIRE! NO MO-JO, NO NOTHING!! so if you find some desire or some mo-jo send it my way please!!

Okay, enough complaining!!! I am going to go.. please send some cyber hugs my way...