ok i am going to be DEBBIE DOWNER for a minute

Ok so if you don't want to hear me whine/cry scroll down..
So most of you know I have battled with depression since i was 15. well today was a VERY bad day!!!
it actually started last night when i get a text from my cousin telling me that my sister was going to the hospital thought she was in labor.. well that ended up being a false alarm... so why is it on my sh!t list you might ask.. well simple, i have not talked to my sister in MONTHS... no not weeks, MONTHS!!! it makes me sad, she is MY SISTER for heaven's sake!!
I had to work from 9-6 today (long day for me)
I got a call from one of my best friends, Kristy today and she told me that one of our Really good friends from high school died!! OMG!! i don't even know what to say!! It took EVERYTHING i had to not cry at work.. and right now i am crying!! It totally sucks, and he had a son 5 days yes, just 5 days before he died... Here is the link to his obituary!! I am at a loss of what to say! I truely want to go to his funeral, but first of all i have to talk to my husband (scared to even talk to him about it) and secondly I have to come up with gas, only to get me to st. george, and then i would ride with Kristy the rest of the way up there.. but with John still being out of work, it's hard to pay for ANYTHING these days, everything seems like such a burden. But I know if i don't go, come 5 or 10 years down the road, i will regret it!!
I Miss my mommy!!! I mean seriously though, i miss my mom, and my sister, and EVERYONE up in UTAH!! I feel so ALONE here!! I feel like I have nobody but my husband and my kids (don't get me wrong, I love them with all of my heart, and would do anything for them, but... they're not my mommy)
My sister in utah told me some really unexpected, but exciting news today, and I am so happy for her, but at the same time, I know i am going to miss yet another of my sister's pregnancies, and that in turn makes me sad(der)
Scrapping, as you know is a PASSION of mine, i may not be the best at it, but DANG IT!! I love it!! and i have not picked up anything to scrap unless it was for a swap since i started work (the end of september)I MISS IT!!! as sad as it sounds, i don't even want to scrap!! I have NO DESIRE! NO MO-JO, NO NOTHING!! so if you find some desire or some mo-jo send it my way please!!

Okay, enough complaining!!! I am going to go.. please send some cyber hugs my way...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

So last night was Halloween! We had a Ton of fun!! We (Me, Dad, Grandma Barbara, Uncle Billy and the kids) went to a couple local 'safe' trick-or-treat things.. the kids (Aka MOM AND DAD) got a lot of candy!! Here are some cute pics of Cinderella and the Spider!! I love My kids... :)

sorry

Life has been so busy!! Well... Since John has been 'home' because of the surgery.. I realize.. He would make a GREAT stay at home Dad.. and I sucked at being a stay at home Mom.. No really though.. My house is ALWYYS clean, the carpets get shampooed about once a week! and Dinner is cooked 90 percent of the time when I come home! He is AWESOME!! I know it's too good to be true and he will HOPEFULLY be going back to work about mid December, but Dang!! I love it!!

My Dad

As some of you know... My Dad had to go in and have some fluid drained from his abdomen, well the first day, he didn't do it, cause his white blood cell count was tooo low, so he went in the following day, and they were ok, so he had the procedure done, they managed to drain 4 liters off of his abdomen. I called him today, and he was getting ready for work, I HATE that he has to work while going through this, but he has no choice really.. if he doesn't work, he doesn't have health insurance, and when you are fighting cancer, health insurance is pretty darn important!! SO say a prayer for my Dad!!

Healing well

Well I am Happy to say that John is healing well! He has 13 staples, they look gross, but he is healing good. Not being able to work is KILLING him!! He is going stir crazy!! Everyday when i get home from work he is cleaing something new. and not just picking up, CLEANING.. DEEP CLEAING!! He needs to go back to work so he doesn't go crazy!! I know he has to have a little bit of craziness in him, cause after all, he did marry me!! But his OCD cleaning has GOT TO STOP!!!! I love my husband!!!

surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, He HAS to have surgery!! UGH!!! Goes in tomorrow at noon, surgery starts at 2! and my Trooper husband, wants to go to Utah after surgery!! He KNOWS how much I miss/need my family.... I love him :) The Dr. said he will be able to feel the plate under his skin, and will prob. lose feeling in that area FOREVER, but.. it will increase the heal time by About 4 weeks or so, so he will be able to get back to work sooner!! He is starting to go stir CRAZY already!! As we speak, he is organizing MY scrapbook room, while I sit here on the computer :) Ok.. so wish me luck for tomorrow!! and please say a prayer for him... :)

Thanks

Family VS Friends

Ok... So i am going to vent a little, so just hear me out.. (or keep reading.. LOL) Ok.. so what is family to you?? To me, family is not just blood related, I have a lot of friends, that I consider family! To me family is people who are there for you, someone you can talk to, confide in, cry to and no matter what you do, or say they are there for you! My neighbor and her 4 kids (and hubby) are very close to me, they do NOT knock on my door, and I the same at their house! Unfortunately, there are some 'family' who I don't even consider friends! As you know, my Husband was in a motorcycle accident (see below) and some true, BLOOD-RELATED family, who I KNOW know about the accident have NOT even called, text or in my opinion, even care!!!! So how do I handle these kind of situations?? I am at a loss, I TRY to not care, to blow them off, to in a sense 'wash my hands' of these un-caring, self centered, cold hearted people, but deep down it hurts!! I know it shouldn't... they obviously don't care, so why should I? So if you have read it this far, my question is.... WHAT do I do???? I love comments, so leave one for me.... thanks :)